hmmmm..away from all those sad sad posts! ^ ^ *still in a very blur stage now!* yesterday night was chatting on the msn with Lydia, Ian, Lilong and Eric.. Den suddenly dunno how we talk and drift we ended up saying we want to go for supper! And before u know it, we have planned where to meet and stuff.. haha~~~ Ian picked Lydia up den Lilong came to pick me up! (So sorry to mafan u)haha~~ Anyway, we went to maxwell road to eat porridge and den chatted Chat about many kind of different things and it was really fun! haha~~ Den after that realised the cleaner who was mopping e floor was very near us den we changed destination! we went to east coast park... haha~~ again sat and chatted.. left at 6 sia.. haha~~ going to prepare to go to sch for project meeting haha~~
IF Only..., I would hope that i never knew you IF Only..., I would prefer that we never met IF Only..., I would keep my distance from U IF Only..., I would want to say I MISS U There are just too many IF ONLY in our lifes~~ But i think we should just put them down and look ahead in life otherwise, we'll never be able to move ahead! Everyone is bound to meet ups and downs in life but e most impt thing is to treat it as a lesson learnt and move on in life. Everyone has different motivations in life but what exactly is mine? thinking back when i was in pri 6 i thought i lost my motivation i thought my world has ended because i felt alone i no longer had my grandmother with me it was like all alone with no one to turn to i couldn't remember how i overcome everything i knew i thought of ending my life (den u peepz will nv have known such a noisy person like me) i would cry everyday... but now i have seen life in a different perspective very different from what i used to believe... trying to lead my life happily but there are always ppl who will come and make me sad i still treat them as frenz though but i will think at times am i plain stupid or naive or whatever... i only believe in having more frenz made den enemies!
lying on my bed closing my eyes to get more slp but i can't slp why i ask myself? i dunno~ flashes of wat happen yest went thru my mind maybe yest too many wrong decisions made too many "IF ONLY" but i can't turn back time Maybe i shouldn't this Maybe i shouldn't that Now i feel like a fool a silly fool that was fooled i didn't give u an ans cos i really dunno i dunno wat to believe u r far too complicated u've ask e qns tt i fear but i didn't let u know why? cos what's e point? after all it's just me now i know very clear it's me and me and me all e problem is me i wished i had nodded and agreed but den again ~~ what if u dun really mean it? I realised that i cant slp Maybe i really do miss u But i guess it's all over right? This was just a game to u maybe i'll nv get to see u again! do u call this a fling? or what do u call this? why can't i jus concentrate on my studies i really hope that i can do well that's all i wish for now! how i wish u understand me but u dun seem to and u seem to me tt there isn't a need den how do u want me to trust u? U dunno how much i really wish to trust u i have opened up the door to my heart but den again u made me pull down the gate! Now i'm back to perfect isolation only want to study and be alone but i cant get u off my mind just let me concentrate on my studies maybe we are just noe fated! ok, it just sounds like i'm consoling myself after all not much ppl come here so at least i can pour out my sorrows cos i really dunno how to say it out Why do tears fall when i hear some songs why do tears fall when i walk home why do tears fall when i look at my hp why do tears fall when i see myself in e mirror why do tears fall when i lie on the bed do i have too much tears or is it because i miss u too much or is it because i really regret it? or is it because i am lost? or is it because i need someone to direct me? who will be there for me? who will come hold my hand and guide me through? Is it U, u or you? When will someone come along and wipe away all my tears and tell me that i can depend on him and no matter what happens he'll also be there for me? but somehow i know that this can no longer be true~ i feel like a BITCH i feel like a SLUT i feel like an IDIOT i feel like i am too stupid!! i hate U but i hate myself more! If only i can disappear and live a life on my own alone! = =
I haven been feeling good lately actually! I realise that many people can tell that i am not feeling very good! But frankly if u ask me what's wrong but i really dunno how to say~~ It's really something deep down that i dunno how to describe and say out Many a times i hope tat all this never happens but i know that is impossible simply impossible! But in reality i cant turn back time so i have to accept what that has happen! Yes, i fear! I wun deny that i fear~~ i fear being in a relationship i doubt u know what i mean cos we both just got different perspective of being in love~~ I fear being hurt and i know if we get together i'm just putting myself out to be hurt and to be slaughtered! so what for lehx? Maybe be cruel now den to suffer later! isn't it so?
Hmmm...haven been blogging for some time~ Here to write some interesting things happening~
ok..nothing very much interesting anyway but i'm now teaching in a tuition centre on saturdays from morning 9 to 4 plus sia~~ 4 classes of monkeys! HELP!! haha~~i have a terrible sore throat now sia! it's a total of 3 classes but for the last class i'm teaching them both maths and english! Teaching them really require a lot of strength and screaming! haha~~ very noisy and mischievious sia~~ haha~~
anyway, coming wednesday there will be econs test have to start studying le cannot slack and play liaox~~ Stress~~ Stress~~ oso dunno what to say le!
hmmm..i think i am feeling sad or shld say i look sad to a lot of ppl but when u ask me why i am sad i dunno~~ i really dunno! sounds lame? but i really dunno why i feel sad lehx! haiz~~
hmmm...had accounting yesterday~~ accounting was understandable for me yesterday lahx! haha~~ but i feel so so so stressed out by cheryll and eileen sia~~ and we have decided to go out to study together on monday in school~~ after my business computing class! we are going to start doing our accounting assignment! haha~ hope we can get it done! heehee~~~ Was trying to find ppl to go help out on 30 Sept at SCAS cos they got a carnival! But got big problem~~ many of us studying including myself actually but i still thinking cos i really wanna go see the kids ah! muz see what the teacher doing first ! haha~~ Today going out! heehee~~ cut my nails cos they are irritating me! I need to go buy a jacket! In need of one jacket desperately! haha~~~ otherwise i'm gonna freeze to death during lectures!
OMG! I wan go hong kong Disneyland! That big big mickey mouse is so cute~~ haha~~ Thanx Xavier(hongkong friend) for sending me ur cute cute pic with the stuff toy mickey! U look as cute as the mickey no worries yea? U are always looking so cute if only u are in singapore! haha~~~ [doubt he will read this anyway]
haha~~ have decided to accept whatever that comes in my stride! No point trying to make things go the way i want By accepting all those obstacles can make me grow and become stronger and more mature so why should i reject them? If i say my life sucks den what would the kids in SCAS think of their life?
Always after seeing my darling boy(yida) and the rest of the kids there I really have to say i am fortunate very fortunate and thankful! The kids there are not like normal kids but they are just as angelic! I really miss the kids! Went back on tues they had outing and went to Pasir Ris Park i rushed down after school and helped out! Brought yida down and make him sit on the sand den start playing the sand with him~~ Den i start playing with the water and oso walking with the new girl(can't remember her name)~~ She likes to walk in the water and she keep splashing the sea water at me sia~~den yida is just like the past! He throws temper when he is the last to go up the bus to go back to school den i took photo of him in the bus~~ really had a lot of fun and i think i love him so much! haha~~~had loads of fun and i hope to go back to see him again of cos! will upload pictures of my darling boy when my brother is free~~ my darling boy is just so cute that everyone is so fond of him in school sia~~ haha~~
