alot of things have been running through my mind and i dunno what is right and what is wrong it seems that i feel so lost i dunno what i should do i cannot make up my mind on things and i dunno what is the best solution for everything that has happen or is happening i thought it would be easy but it does not seem that way we dun always get things to be in our favour and i truly know but i felt horrible i wanted to see him cos i know only when i see him i would feel better but it is not possible and i cant always hope to see him when i am feeling down and everything he has his own life and plans and i am nothing i know where i stand and i should stop doing all this i just wish i could turn back time and wish that all was back to normal and that it didn't matter to me maybe we should turn back time to when we were still in primary school where there were no troubles. and then i would still be princess not that i no longer am at home i am still princess but at least i have my grandma who would be there to protect me ALWAYS! i know she still lives in my heart and i know she is always with me but i need her physical presence at times.. i want someone to hug with i feel down someone's shoulders to cry on i miss her and i am willing to sacrifice everything just to go back to the time when i have my paternal grandmother grandfather and my family when all the cousins can get to play every weekend when we going cycling to pasir ris park or bedok reservoir when we play and climb trees when we chat about everything when we had singing competitions when we hide in the storeroom to play when we hide in cupboards when we laugh cry play and scream together when we had so much fun with no troubles can we have that time back? everyone is so busy now that i am sure we miss the times we had.
is it too late to regret now? i dunno why i am feeling this way.. but i should not have let my heart make the decision now i am stuck in this situation it is bad really bad i dunno wad i can do or say i dunno how i should behave when i see u although i miss u i am afraid to face u cos i dunno how i should behave i cannot let u know i like u cos it is not right i hope i can behave normally just like before i hope u would be happy everyday i hope to see ur smile always i miss u i really do but i know i shouldnt be cos..... haiz...
hmmm...went to watch fireworks it was pretty okay only i think but actually there were alot of other things that were running thru my mind rather than plainly looking at the fireworks i dunno if u felt that way too but i do wish and hope that u do... i dunno if whatever u saw was what i saw but i hope at times when u are alone and u look up into the sky we see the same piece of sky
there are many things in life that we have to accept it as it is if i do know how u feel maybe i can take a next step out and i do hope to find out maybe i would be hurt and feel sad but that's the way life is and that's how we learn in life anyway i really hope that we can be friends or even better more than that but there's only so much i can do to wish for the best
had a mahjong session it was fun! i had fun~~ have a second discipline Lu Kai~~haha the second person i taught to play mahjong after tat sheng i am bad influence oh no~~ haha but i guess they had fun too or at least i had and we had a good chatting session which we sort of revealed too much but i guess there are really alot of things that i do know now haha as compared to the past and yesterday i regret telling someone something haiz... i really shouldnt have told him i totally regret it and i think i can only blame myself. haiz... u know who u are but i doubt u would be reading this anyway.
Mickey Mouse is cute.. I saw a very cute mickey mouse it's big and very nice... but haiz..it's quite ex.. cannot buy.. although it is sold in kiddy palace it is not childish.. hmpf! it really is very cute..
Sometimes i guess i do not know what is it that i want in life that's why i end up like that. i stumble and i fall but i always try to pick myself up i would not allow myself to remain fallen and cry about it. i do cry but it is just my way of relieving stress.. i know i might scare ppl with this but i dun have a choice sorry ppl haha~~ i guess sometimes i dunno what i can do and i try to reach too high but i am slowly trying to stop as in i will only try once to reach for it if i fail den i wun try again i guess sometimes i should give up on being too persistent abt things cos it has gotten me scars and scars that cant be removed they are burnt deeply into my heart. i used to take the ppl around me for granted and now i know i should not anymore we should treasure what we have in life dun regret like me after it is too late there is this one scar in my heart that cannot be removed it is the greatest regret in my entire life. sometimes i just wish that life can be simplier as in my grandfather and my father to have good health i wan to be by their side forever i dun wanna be apart from them i am already very upset when my grandmother left me i dun wan to see anymore ppl whom i love dearly to leave me cos they are my strength in life and without them i wun be me i look cheerful but i am not i have alot of secrets within me that i cant tell anyone cos i dunno how to and sometimes i dun wan ppl to pity me i dun wan ppl to think that i am pitiful i must be strong i dun like ppl to worry abt me so sometimes or often i put up a strong front but i aint that strong as i look i cry almost everyday at home for wad reason i dun really know too i just think abt wad's happening in my life and the tears will start falling i dunno how to stop them but i just hope to be able to find someone who can stop the tears maybe i am just fated to be single for the rest of my life think it wun be that bad and i know my dad wont mind cos he was the one who told me that getting married can bring alot of headaches i have seen marriages turning ugly and omg maybe like he once say single is good so i shall remain single and carefree though i hope to be loved but i cant trust love anymore dunno if there can be anyone who can rebuild the confidence in me to make me believe in love again.
i am in a dilemma dunno what i should and dunno how should i go abt doing it. haiz.. i just realised that some things are just not meant to be. and i have to partially agree with cheryl's statement there's a reason why an ex is an ex. cannot agree totally cos sometimes miracles do happen and things might change an ex might become present is some situations. haiz so confusing.
Saturday Yan Hua celebrated his 21st birthday.. OMG! Took alot alot of pictures... haha..me and joon was like taking photos non stop..haha.. cos we had nothing to do... after that we started eating then playing and everything... went to compete basketball i scored 109 on my own ok? haha~~ score 210 together with joon... haha~~ alot alot of photos were taken after that the guys started playing and started drinking den after a while people started getting drunk tiring and scary night had to make the drunkards sleep and had to run away from ONE scary drunkard haha~~ shagged!
Why are gers so easily jealous? This is a mystery! It was just a very simple conversation which she heard too but she still got angry over it... haiz.. Maybe guys have a part to play too they have got to ensure that their gers dun feel insecure with them they got to stop flirting and fucking other gers if they want their gers to trust them but i guess all this is hard to begin with.
i think i should be glad that i am single i do admit that i hope to have someone i can declare mine but i rather wait if i cant have the perfect one the only perfect one to me now is only Mr A. unless i meet another perfect one otherwise... i should stay single i guess cos i dun wanna get miserable and put myself thru anymore troubles. to me now getting into a relationship is a chore it sucks cos almost all the guys that i know or have seen or either too childish, or they are too flirty and bastard. they only have thoughts of fucking the ger and leave after that. haiz...guys should grow up. u wanna sleep around do it with ur ger lahx. haha..whatever...this is damn random
i have been feeling bad but i know i must be fine so i will try to make myself happy i will put a smile on my face and i hope that one day the fake smile will disappear and that i can find a reason for me to smile again and i hope the smile comes from within it might take some time but i aint gonna give up and i like to thank everyone who has been there for me the little concern u peeps show by asking me how i am is good enough and i swear it does keep me going.
Everyone has been asking me if i am fine lately.. Yes people i am fine i just need time to get over everything and just need time to see through it indeed my life is in a mess but i left the problem hanging instead of facing it now that i am not working everything just fall apart and i dunno how to cope but i am trying to pick up the pieces i know i shouldnt have neglected the problem but for now i will try to solve it maybe cos i got too much time to think about things i will make myself feel down and that day i felt very happy that he was so lovely i really meant it he was very nice i dunno what i would be now without him he's like a pillar of my life though i am quite sure he doesnt know but liking him has got me going all these whiles no matter how many jerks or assholes i met along the way when i look back i still see him there he's a very nice friend whose smile can bring u warmth i guess i might continue liking him cos i can no longer give up on him. but i do hope that he can be with someone he really likes/loves i just want him to be happy cos then i will be happy! as for XX... i guess i cannot accept the fact of me being a third party though u might say i am not but u are freaking attached. so u should get out of my life it doesnt mean that u can play around or anything when ur gf is not in singapore u wanna hook up with anybody i dun care just stop lying to me and all ur sweet nothings are meaningless so stop calling me ur dear or whatsoever when u already have a gf. whatever it is isnt my problem anymore. u wanna make me drunk? no chance. i dun wanna go out with u or see u anymore... get out of my life and face.
